Content Warnings: adding as I notice them: I cuss. a lot.
That’s me, there. Hi! *waves* I’m Scar. I’m doing a three-fingered sloth salute in that picture. It’s a thing that a group of my friends and I do to say hello to each other, and basically, it’s how we will tell each other apart “in the wild” should we ever happen upon one of the group in public (we all know each other through facebook and another website, called Patreon) and we were all pulled together because of an awesome singer/writer/artist/entrepreneur/(new) mom Amanda (Fucking) Palmer. the friendship bracelet you can see on my wrist, is actually from a friend I made in that group, who sent it to me in what we call “Sloth-mail” – or, what most people call “snail-mail”.
But, I’m not making this blog to talk about the group, however amazing and helpful they have been to me these past few months. I’m here to talk about my truth.
It’s not easy to talk about the things that have happened to me in my life. In fact, it’s really really fucking hard. But I need to let it out somewhere. I thought, since I have been way too camera shy to start a video blog, why not start a written blog, eh? So, here I am. There will likely be a few (okay, a lot of) typos, and many letters/words that are meant to be capitalized, and just aren’t. Or words spelled wrong, that are easy to spell right. My brain just doesn’t process things right when I’m emotional. It’s a simple fact of chemistry. The brain can’t function properly when it’s drowning in all the wrong fluids, or being overloaded with chemicals that it can’t properly handle, and since my brain deals with that A LOT, it’s started to kind of give up when it happens, and my memory is starting to fail me as well.
Medication helps, but, only for so long, and only so much. I’m working with a doctor that’s only in the office 2-3 days out of the week, and one of those days is only for emergency appointments, and on that day, she will only speak to those patients who are in for emergencies. If I don’t get to talk to her on a day that she’s in for regular patients, I don’t get anything back until the next week, IF THEN. The rest of the staff at the office is pretty incompetent as well. I’ve had two therapists use things that make me uncomfortable against me, more than once, to the point that I’ve walked out right before a session ended, and then they harassed me for weeks on end, trying to get me to come back into session with them, until I just stopped answering their calls. Now, thankfully, in about a week, I will have new insurance, and be able to start up with new doctors all around, so, hoping I can get in with a better facility, and better doctors, but, you never know with Texas Mental Health Professionals. There have been very few that have actually been good to me in my 20 years seeing doctors for mental health in Texas. They’re always either over-booked, understaffed, or just don’t actually care about their patients, beyond making sure they [the doctors/nurses/therapists] get paid for seeing them. And it’s the same with really any of the medical professionals in Texas.
I’ve finally found some mental health medications that work for me, but, getting my doctor to prescribe everything I need right now, is becoming a bit of a hassle, and I may as well just wait until I can see my new doctor, at this point, because I can’t even get the full prescriptions until next week now. I have the Geodon at the right levels now (80 mg, twice a day. seems to be helping a lot) but I still need Ativan for my anxiety attacks, which, she wrote down on my chart notes, but didn’t put in the prescription she wrote me, and now I have to wait on that. and I also need a sleep aid because I’m not getting enough sleep (6 hours a night is not the right amount. Not for me at least.) Also, the Lunesta we were supposed to try is probably not going to get covered since my insurance isn’t picking up the phone, according to the doctor. Though, the pharmacy hasn’t said that is what’s wrong, just that the insurance hasn’t *approved* it yet. I’ve never had this much trouble getting anything approved, and I really just think that it’s because it’s so close to the holidays, and that the people who approve things are maybe (probably) at home with their families, as they deserve to be, and my doctor just needs to cool the hell out with the whole “They aren’t going to approve it so we need to change it to this thing so you can’t take it anymore for that” stuff.
If you can’t tell, she frustrates me, a lot.
Anyway, that’s enough rambling for today, and that’s quite a long introductory post. Hope I didn’t scare you all off! There’s definitely more to come, and I’ll be updating a few of my sections later, once I figure out more of this whole “wordpress” business, haha.
Thanks for reading, and, Enjoy your morning/afternoon/night 🙂
Lots of love and *huggles* to all of you!