A letter to my teen self.

Content warning: Mention of suicide attempts and ways I tried, and self harm.

Dear Troubled One,

You don’t have to have all the answers, all the time. You don’t have to be everyone’s definition of perfection, and constantly changing for the guy you’re with right now. You don’t have to change who you are for a single soul. Be yourself darling. You are so perfect, just as you are. You don’t have to be friends with people who are mean with you, or shut out those that are nice, just because the mean friends don’t like them and won’t protect you if you keep hanging out with them…Remember that friend you have, with the crazy curly blonde hair? She’s still your best friend at 25. You may fight a lot, but she’s never stopped being there for you…She’s a keeper. And now you have a whole lot more friends from all over the world, thanks to this crazy famous lady and her Facebook group. some sad stuff happened in the group, but, you kept a lot of amazing friends from the group, who check on you every day. You have several who treat you like family, too.

You don’t have to stay in that relationship with that grown man that you don’t love. You don’t have to be in relationships with men you don’t like just because they anger your parents. You will have a relationship one day with a man you love, who treats you so wonderfully you’ll think you’re trapped in a dream world for the first three years of the relationship. You won’t even believe he’s real until almost the fourth year, and by then you’ll both be getting your own place together -without roommates. He will save your life 6 times in those first 4 years, and twice before you actually get together. And when you get close to your fourth year of being together, you will finally realize that he really does love you, and you don’t have to live in fear of losing him…

Sweetheart, put the knife down. Put the pills away. You don’t have to hurt yourself. You don’t really want to die, we both know that. I can promise you it really *does* get better. I know you think all that “It Gets Better” stuff is all bull, but, I can promise you, as your future self, it is most certainly not crap.

My love, you will live through all the horrible, traumatic, hard things you’re going through now, and you will be so happy when you’re 25. I’m not saying it will be easy, but, it will be worth it, and I can promise you, for the first time in your life, you will go a year without suicidal thoughts, and two years without acting on any self harm thoughts. You will get a diagnosis for your chronic pain in April of 2016, and it will lead to so many answers. Though, there will be some struggles, it is all so very worth it. Yes, you are absolutely strong, but, you do NOT have to be the strong one all the time. You are allowed to break down sometimes. You are allowed to break down in front of more than just your very best friend, or yourself. Let more people in baby, I promise you, it’s so worth it. You will find a wonderful community, amazing friends, the most beautiful love, and last but most certainly not least, you will find yourself, and start loving yourself, all in the year you turn 25. Please, be here for it. You can do this. We can do this. We have the strength of a thousand storms inside of us, we’ve seen it when we’re angry. Let’s use it to keep the fight to live going, okay?

I love you, always and forever.
Scarlett ♥♥