I haven’t been on here in a WHILE, so, I thought I would write up an update for you all, and I finally thought of a subject matter that might work!
So, I have been going by Scar Lacewing for a few months now, but for the last month or so I have been thinking about updating my name to fit how I feel again. I’m still in the process of figuring out who I am, what I feel like, and what is comfortable for me, so things do keep changing, and I’m very sorry if I am confusing everyone with my jumping back and forth with my name.
I figured out (with some help from Raeven) that I want to use my first best friend’s middle name as mine, as a sort of tribute to her. Her middle name was Marie, and that name has stuck with me for a very very long time, and I’ve always felt very drawn to it, but the thought of using it for a child of my own just feels weird to me, so I thought on the idea of using it for myself, and it felt more right to me. It also felt like something that Kristen would have been okay with, and Raeven (who went to middle school with her and knew her a little bit as well) agrees wholeheartedly with that sentiment.
I’ve also figured out that I want to go back to my main first name being Scarlett, with Scar being a nickname that people can choose to use if they like. I have grown to like both names equally (I think) now, and I’ve noticed I miss hearing people call me Scarlett sometimes. (Okay, a lot.)
I’m keeping Lacewing as my last name, it just feels right to me, and I don’t want to change it unless I have to.
I prefer They/Them/Their pronouns, but I am fine with She/Her pronouns as well, since I know I present as female.
The closest things to what I feel like I am are either androgynous or Gender-free. Basically, some days I feel very feminine, and some days I don’t feel like I have a gender AT ALL, but, I have never felt masculine, nor have I wanted to be male. I have had days where I didn’t want to be a female, but, I still didn’t want to be a male. Before I knew about non-binary genders, those days were really confusing, so knowing I’m not alone in these feelings, is kind of comforting. Knowing I’m not insane for feeling this way, is even more comforting.
If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading, and much love to you!
Scarlett Marie Lacewing